I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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