We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
