Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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