if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
