what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
