i just wanna soil my oats bro
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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