her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
