I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
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I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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