If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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