I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
