Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
