Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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