Will you blow on my dice?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
