Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
