I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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