so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
