so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
