1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
