She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
