no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
