And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
