Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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