hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
