is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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