Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
