when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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