the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
