i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
