i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
