Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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