The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
