You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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