No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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