She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
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