I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Green mimosas i think yes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
