i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
