did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She said her name was "party"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
