idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
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My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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