I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
