I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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