Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
In America we eat man semen.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
