The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
