you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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