Plan B is the new Plan A
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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