i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
