I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
