i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
