Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
