I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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