my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
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I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize