I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
