On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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