omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
