Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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