does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
