Who wears a wallet chain?!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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