I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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