my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
