just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
