I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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