life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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