i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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